A Peek Into the Vast Unknown

1 mile = 1.609 Km ; 35mph = 56.327Kmh ; 50mph = 80.467Kmh

The first time was when I first drove to the DMV in an unregistered vehicle, the officer let me off the hook because he honestly didn’t know what my single trip pass was for. Second was a few days before thanksgiving when I cut off a police car in an intersection, I was polite enough to say sorry and admit what I did was wrong, so I got another free pass. The third time’s the charm though. I was on my way to see Hitman–driving like I normally do (faster than most cars), then flashing blue and red lights filled my rear view mirror.

"Good evening officer!"

"You know why I pulled you over?"

"Yes… I think I was speeding…"

"Do you know how fast you were going?"

"Around 50…" Wacks to self : "liar!"

"You know the speed limit on this street?"

"I think its 35…"

"Can I please see your license…"

After few minutes the officer gave me the official summons to the local traffic violations court. I would like to show up in court for the experience of it, but I don’t want to waste half a day waiting in court hoping to be sentenced to a lesser fine than what’s on the ticket. There is a fixed fine for speeding $61 and an additional $5 for every mile exceeding the speed limit, you do the math. (Gosh, I sure am lucky they don’t use Kmh here!)

Unlike in the Philippines, traffic rules and regulations are strictly enforced, and bribery is an ever greater offence here in the US. Traffic violations can also affect one’s auto insurance premium. So it was an understatement to say that I loathed myself during that time.

After I saw the movie I felt a bit better but still aggravated. I then realized that there have been dozens of accidents in our locale over the past months, which would have explained the extended police presence, something that came to me just after I was pulled over.

Oh well, there’s always a first for everything, hopefully I won’t get ticketed again. And I now have my fingers crossed ’till I see the next insurance quote I get.

I won’t be a hypocrite and say I’ve learned my lesson. Those who know me well enough know how I drive. Why I drive fast is another question I’d have to ponder on. Nonetheless I still consider myself lucky because I wasn’t caught speeding on the freeway.

Since I saw the full length trailer of the Transformers I’ve been patiently waiting for the its release. I was even a bit ticked off knowing that it would be screened in certain parts of Asia first.

I couldn’t wait to see how the ubiquitous cartoon heroes of the 80’s would morph from their bland day-to-day forms to the uber cool robots in disguise that they are. And of course, the last song syndrome effect of that sound they make during transformation.

And what better date would there be other than the 4th of July is there for someone like me to see the film with some friends. The movie is the typical Michael Bay film, filled with non-stop action and some well timed comic relief. What sets The Transformers apart from other Michael Bay flicks is the seamless weaving of what’s CG and what’s shot using blue screen photography. Oh, and did I mention Megan Fox was hot!

The movie has recieved mixed reviews from both critics and hard core Transformers fans alike. I find it amusing for people to label this movie shallow, cheesy or corny at times. It’s true that there are awkward moments and lines, but one has to consider the history of the franchise. It was once a toy line then a cartoon, for crying out loud. The movie had to have these elements to stay true to its history and its roots.

My only criticism of the movie is that majority of the transformers chose their alt form to be vehicles in the big 3 lineup. Obviously, product placement is another character in this film. I just hope that the next installment, due in 2 years, will feature more variety in the manufacturers the Cybertronians choose. A long shot wish is that they feature my fave Autobot, Mirage - whose alt form is an F1 car. Sweet!

In my humble opinion, the movie rocks! Because it transformed many a childhood fantasy into motion picture reality whilst being true to its beginnings. Oh, and did I mention Megan Fox was hot!

Whew! What a sigh of relief.

My daily life in the past 4 months can be summed up in one word - bum. But things happen so quickly, and here I am blogging my way out of unemployment. Isn’t that just great!?

I wasn’t even expecting it, when I received a call from my Mum asking me to call a family friend. The next thing I know is I’m doing something other than sleeping, day dreaming, watching the news, surfing the net, downloading stuff, hanging out in the gym, being a mall rat, etc.

I’m also glad that my job is something I’m quite familiar with. But I can’t come up with a specific title without an overload of political correctness. Therefore, allow me to describe what I do. I calculate the costs of a wide variety of auto repairs and maintenance. I correspond with suppliers, ordering and inquiring about automotive parts. I coordinate amongst technicians. I get in touch with customers on the progress of their job orders. I valet cars waiting to be serviced. I am trying to rebuild my employer’s website. And getting along with my co-workers is a great bonus.

Those who know me well enough would say that this is a good fit for me, given my skill sets and my inclination to car tuning, and I would agree. I’m just glad that I’m productive once more so that I could finally save up for so many needs and wants all the while being in an ideal environment.

I have to say, this is the happiest first day of work in my life yet.

It has been a while since my last entry, around a year and four months. I felt compelled to do this, because it had something to do with what I think online networking and blogging is about.

It was during my last year in Ateneo that the Friendster phenomenon hit the Philippines. Everyone was creating an account in the computer labs. People asked each other, "May Friendster ka, pa add naman?" (Do you have Friendster, Can you add me?) It went on and on until almost everyone with access to the internet had some form of online social networking account. But not me, I saw it as a fad not a necessity during that time. But lo and behold I created one, peer pressure perhaps. Still, it was no big thing to me.

Then came blogging…

I was first exposed to blogging by my good friends Nicole and Joi. I found it interesting that these people would find time, within and outside of office hours, to update their blogs in a regular basis. What’s the point? I asked myself. My friends came with valid answers as to why they find the time to blog but I never found myself doing the same until my first entry, a very long time ago.

It was my best friend and loved one, Ces, who gave me the idea of putting my thoughts on paper, well — web space it is for this matter. Most if not all people would have an interesting insight on almost anything under the sun, some just want to share experiences. And I think that is what most bloggers do.

But I, the procrastinator, didn’t exert too much effort in updating my online accounts, especially my blog. I especially did not blog for the sake of having an entry on a regular basis. (Hence, the staggering number and length of the posts I have) I wanted my entries to have substance to myself to begin with, so that it may rouse the curiosity of those who read it, if any.

Then came the middle last week. I had seen that someone had added me as a friend, and when I tried to log-in came the most despicable error message on one’s browser, "Page Cannot be Displayed." Having worked tech support for web hosting, I ran the usual battery of tests for the situation. To my luck, nothing happened. I even tried to use Friendster’s search feature, nothing. Then I tried to find myself in the friends list of other friends, I swear I didn’t find my own profile, bummer!

Then it hit me.                                                                     

What would happen to the friends I’ve added, those whom I haven’t seen for the longest time? How about the pictures I uploaded, I don’t have a copy for some of those? My, blogs, not too many entries but, darn, I put some time and thinking into writing those!

I had expected the worst case scenario, that my online identity is gone, dead. I just had to move on. Probably use another social networking site. I was surprised to see myself depressed over something that I have taken so lightly. The cliché, "you never really appreciate something/someone until you lose it/them" echoed in my mind.

By some twist of online fate, I was able to log-in to my account just this weekend. Whew! That was a close one, no light at the end of the tunnel experience though. So where do I go from this, nah! I’d probably have the same opinion on the social networking and blogging phenomenon. But I have a better appreciation why many hold these forms of online identities dear.

It was exactly one week ago when my journey to fatherhood was jumpstarted. Early that day, Ces was feeling something different. It was no surprise because it was the eve of HaLo’s due date. After watching the much hyped Pacqiuao-Morales bout and after having been advised by close friends, Ces and I decided to go to the hospital to see what happens next.  But before we went to the hospital, we made time to hear mass; for her safe delivery and have dinner; we knew it would be a long night for both of us.

We arrived at Delos Santos Medical Center at around 8:45 pm.  We went straight to the delivery room (DR), and she was admitted.  At around 9:00 pm, Ces came out of the DR, now draped in maternity scrubs.  She said that she had just spoken with her OB-GYN and had explained what she felt at that time. I kissed her for love and luck, it would be her first delivery. She told me to start texting her family for updates. At this point I realized that we were in for the long haul. I did as Ces requested and proceeded to text my own friends and family.

It was 11:00pm when Ces’ father came to accompany me.  It was obvious that we were both anxious to see what comes next.  We talked every now and then to ease the first-time father and lolo jitters we had. Three hours had gone by and there were no updates from the DR.

2:00 am (it was now Halo’s due date, January 23, 2006). My best buddy Jaypee passed by to check on me.  Props to my man for making an effort to make me feel relaxed and buying me some grub whilst in the influence of alcohol.

The minutes and hours were painstakingly slow. The nursing interns whom I came in with were now chit-chatting on their way home. It was, 6:00 am. The last sleep I had was prior to watching the Pacquiao fight. Then, I saw a flash of hope, it was Ces’ doctor, walking about the DR. I told Ces’ father about this. Our anxiety doubled.

It was about 6:45 am, when Ces’ father handed me some breakfast.  Still nothing. No nurse getting out of the DR asking where her family is. I wanted to speak with her doctor but the DR was had strict guidelines.  Only doctors, nurses and patients were allowed inside.  We  had to wait for the doctor’s office to open, so we could ask one of her assistants for updates.

When the clock struck 8:00 am, I rushed into the doctor’s office, I looked for the first person in the office and hit her with the obvious question.  What is happening inside the DR? She game me a smile and walked out of the office and into the DR. She came out at around 8:25 am, just to say that Ces hadn’t begun labor. What?! All that adrenaline keeping me awake was a waste. She never gave me and Ces’ father an exact timeframe as to when Halo will be coming out. She assured us, though, that her doctor would be with her until she delivers the baby.

It was 10:00 am when Ces father suggested that I go home and get some sleep. I was home at around 10:50 am. I immediately jumped into my bed and oblivion for the next three hours. I was in and out of sleep until I read a message from Ces dad that she had begun labor.

I sprang to the ground and went straight to the hospital, saying only a few words to my housemates. It was 3:30 pm. Traffic was a breeze from Las Piñas to QC. I was at Delos Santos by 4:15 pm.

I spoke to Ces’ father. He was able to speak with the doctor and he was told that we had to wait.  As if everyone close to us weren’t waiting for this to happen. After an hour, Ces father decided to go home for his turn to get some rest, it was 4:45 pm.

There I was, all alone in the waiting area. With very little sleep and an empty stomach. At around 5:00 pm, I went to the doctor’s office to ask for another update.  This time, was given useful update. Ces is now on one of the hospital’s delivery tables.

I was thrilled, nervous, and tired. At that time a serious of thoughts came into mind.  How is Ces doing? Is she in pain? Will Halo be okay? When can we go home? Do I have time to go back to Pasay for my training?

It was around 6:50 pm when I saw Ces’ doctor came out of the DR’s door and called out for any relatives.  I quickly ran to him not knowing what will happen next.  He shook my hand and said, I’ts a girl. Whew! I asked him about Ces and he assured me that she was fine.

It’s still a very long story after that, I’ll leave some of the finer details for Ces to narrate. But Ces and I are just glad to know that Halo will be fine. A lot of firsts are happening to our new family and can’t be thankful enough for the blessings that we have recieved.

As for me, I’m still learning the how to be a father. They say some events change men’s lives. I would probably say that fatherhood just gave me a much needed boost to become the person I was shaped to be.

     Its thanksgiving weekend and here I am, desperately trying to gather my thoughts amidst the onslaught of personal errands that I am yet to complete.

     It’s at this time of the year wherein people start their shopping for their loved ones, when households are adorned with lights that highlight the holidays, when delectable dishes are served amongst family.  In a nutshell, it’s a perfect excuse to be happy.

     Pardon my cynicism, but nowadays aren’t there more perfect excuses to be melancholic than to be happy?  We just need to read the papers and watch the evening news.  Better yet, have a look outside our own comfort zone to see the grim reality that has encroached our society.

     It’s the perfect time for thanksgiving, for what?!  These burdens that we all face?  To some extent, I would say, why not?!

     Most may say that we are living substandard lives.  Getting less than what we actually deserve, paying more for the very basics that we need, surrounded by uncertainty and doubt for tomorrow.  Truly a challenging situation to be in, our daily lives.

     Can we still be thankful?  A resounding yes for myself.  Blind hope perhaps. Just the two cents from a birthday boy, father-to-be, overjoyed fiancée, loved son/grandson/brother.

long time no post…

time (noun) - the measured or measurable period during which an action, process, or condition exists or continues - duration ; a nonspatial continuum that is measured in terms of events which succeed one another from past through present to future - leisure ; (The following definitions of the word time were taken from merriam-webster.com)

Why is it that we always complain that we don’t have enough time to do certain things? People often say, “I’m just to busy to have time for ____” Is this really the case for most, if not all of us? Or is it just a matter of time management? Is it really possible to juggle one’s time for family, friends and work? Can we multitask the different lives that we live? Given this, can we actually say that it is possible to live a full life considering the fact that we seem to have very limited time to do so?

Why do we say that time flies when you’re having fun? Why is it that we can’t wait to go home while at work? For that matter why is it that we just look forward to the weekends, the days that we’re off of work/school? Are the tasks at work/school so mundane that our bodies grow tried of them so easily and often? Some say, “Work hard, play harder” Wouldn’t that be ironic given the ratio of work time and playtime that most of us have?

\Why is it that we never know how much time we have left in our existence? A philosopher (I forgot which one) once said, that we are all born to die. It is a grim and real situation that we all must face. Well, not until cryogenics at least. Nonetheless, we all go on in our daily lives not knowing when, where and how it will end. Many may consider this unfair, but consider the fact that we also had no choice for the time of our birth.

Time and life have many nuances that we may never understand but continue to question. And in doing so we may arrive at more complex questions that may perplex us even more. Then again, isn’t that the beauty of it all.

My loved one and I just took a major step in both our young lives last weekend.  We started to live together.

To make a long and complicated story short and simple and to take those people that I have not been in touch with up to speed, Ces is preggers.

To say that this decision was difficult to make and carry out would definitely be an understatement in Ces’ point of view.  Imagine having to leave your mother and sister whom you hold dearest and closest to your heart.  Imagine having to blend with a new set of people in a totally different household.  Imagine having to prepare a brand new home for a future child.  Daunting thoughts indeed, add to this the fact that all this is happening three to four years ahead of schedule in a situation where you do not consider yourself ready to face such crucial responsibilities.

To Ces’ credit, seeing her leave her home to move into ours gave me a deeper understanding and respect for her and her family.  They have taken the road less traveled, filled with endless uncertainties, they chose to be apart for the sake of our future baby.  Others may have a thing or two to say about this decision and I may not be able to refute these criticisms, which may seem infallible at this time. But none of that would matter at all.

The bottom-line is, we chose to follow what we feel and think is right.  To be more poetic about it, we chose to take the dive into a life together, the start building the foundations of our future family.  And only time will tell that we made the right choice.

Recent events in my life have forced me to take some time off and consider the future, that I think, I have built for myself.  And to be perfectly honest, I do not think I have built the most stable of foundations. 

I asked myself several questions.  How ready am I to face these new challenges? Can I weather this storm?  Can I say that I made the right decisions once I look back? Considering my situation, I made and honest assessment of the present and tried to foresee the future.  Everything looked bleak and I was way in over my head.  I realized that even with my best efforts, there are several factors about my future that are not in my control.  I wanted out.

I thought that things would only get worse for me.  I was in a situation I cannot escape, something that I would have to live with the rest of my life.  I was facing a responsibility that beckoned fear and confusion.  I will soon be a father.

Just as everything was about to explode in my face.  Just as I was about to call it quits.  The greatest people in my life came to my rescue.  My better half and my parents whispered words that invigorated my tired and battered soul.  They assured me of undying support, unconditional love.  Given that the odds were against me, I decided to go on and face the future with my head up high.  It was time to wear my game face.

There are things that are certain, I will be a father come early next year, even be married earlier.  All this was to happen before my time, or so I think.  But there are far more uncertainties than certainties, the whole process of pregnancy and childbirth for my Frances Katrina, the careless mistakes that I am bound to make, our first stint in parenting.  Given this, anyone in a practical frame of mind would rather take this up another day, or never consider at all.

Why gamble?  So I ask.  Simply because, there is a minute probability that this choice to go on will make me a better man, that this will strengthen my relationships I have with my loved ones.  When the odds are against you and the stakes are high, all your cards laid on the table, how do you react to this game of Life.  For me, I smile and go all in, and say, I just feel lucky, no, I feel hopeful.

What can I say?  "Hello world?!"

After over a year, the blog phenomenon has finally infected me.  Thanks to my dear officemates Joi and Nicole, especially to my better half.  My blogger gene infected friends, thanks for exposing me to this.  And for my girl, thanks for making me more in tune with my inner self.

And most would ask why?!  Of all people in the world, why me, the mysterious, cold-hearted and infinitely disorganized Wacks?!  Well, aren’t you surprised?!  Maybe I realized that’s its time to shed light to my self that is hardly known even by the closest people in my life. 

Give me time to organize my thoughts and I will let you into the realm that has eluded many.  Welcome.